sometimes…

…i wish i was smarter. so i wouldnt have to parade around, acting all phony, pretending to be a professor. pretending to be a professor is hard. especially when people really expect you to be one and ask you questions like, “whats the difference between the via moderna and the via antiqua in relation to thomism?”

…and then sometimes i wish i was crazy. not all-the-way-certifiable-nut-job-crazy, but at least enough crazy to where the people who knew me would think i am a genius. because you dont have to really be all that smart to come off looking like a genius. i could probably get away with it on the iq i currently posess, i just need a few more loose screws. or a good drop on the head. or someone to lock me in a closet throughout adolescence. because once those screws start getting lefty loosey then you can answer questions like the one above with something like, “dish detergent or elbow grease, a tub of luke warm water” while you wear your sweater backwards and have messy hair and b.o. and people would think there is some sort of allegorical or deep meaning to your answer and your quirky behavior. but there isn’t. youre just making shit up because you’re crazy. and you cant dress yourself properly or practice proper hygeine. because youre crazy.

but its all a farce, really.

i walk around and pretend to be a professor and you go to your job and pretend to know about what you do and who youre supposed to be. really, we are just carrying around masks and “frontin’.” (thats hip hop lingo. see, at that moment in the sentence i was pretending to be “fly” and “with it.” i just need to bust a sag in my drawls and i’d have that shit down, yo.) we move day to day, always projecting some signifier of ourselves, but never revealing the real thing.

and there are a lot of reasons why we do this. but i dont have anything humorous to say in conjunction with them. but in case youre wondering, yes, “dish detergent or elbow grease, a tub of luke warm water” does actually have an allegorical meaning in response to thomism. actually, its metaphorical. ill just let you try and figure it out. that way, i look smart. and my sweater doesnt even have to be backwards.