so long, farewell…

Sometimes I wonder how many times I’ve said goodbye. And what I mean by “goodbye” isn’t “see you later” or “see you tomorrow.” What I mean by “goodbye” is the kind of goodbye thats meant to stick, the kind where you are leaving and really mean it, the kind when you know things are going to be different from the moment the word hits the air. What I find interesting about a true goodbye is its anti-climatic nature. Its supposed to be the word of closure, of wrapping things up, but it never feels that way. Goodbye should be weighty, it should be definitive, and yet there seems to always be a lingering afterthought that follows it, an “is this really it?” or an “is this the right thing to do?” that pulls the reigns on the power and finality of the statement. As I try to count the goodbyes I’ve said I think of the people that I’ve cared for most. I don’t seem to mind the countless number of acquaintances that have slipped out of the orbit of friendship and away from consistent communication without any sort of closure or final farewell. Its the people to whom I’ve said goodbye that are always the ones who meant the most and the ones who I want to find again.