not much to report from here in this sleepy little town. but i know all 5 of you out there are just on pins and needles to see something new here.

i am busy. really busy. but it feels pretty ok. cuz i got my hammock and an ipod full of good music for break time. and my cupboard is stocked full of little debbies. theres enough for you, if you want one.

but i also got rats in my apartment. and its kinda gross. if they get anywhere near my little debbies there will be hell to pay.

word around campus is that the snack guy has started stocking the double decker oatmeal cream pies in one of the dorm vending machines. i am so there. have any of you tried one yet? they are the big kind, only with double love between 3, yes 3, sugary sweet oatmeal cookies. you cant beat them. now, if i can just get in and out of the dorm without being noticed. i would hate for things to look like i was fraternizing with student bodies.

speaking of fraternizing. those of you who know me well enough (which is about 4 out of 5 of you out there) will find my evening activities of monday, march 28 quite amusing. i judged and moderated the greek week trivia contest. all by myself. it was me with 100+ barking frat boys and screaming, “woo-ing” sorority girls. yeah. weird. and wow, are there some stupid people around here. how did i get wrangled into this, you might ask? well, i was tricked. set up. suckered. by the dean, no less. but the dean and i are pals, and he set me up cuz he knew how uncomfortable it would be for me…just a sort of practical joke. so he is gonna get his. soon.

and in keeping with all this strange news and odd behavior….did any of you see the exciting end to the special 2 part 2 hour amazing race the other night? cuz i did. thats right. i watched tv. reality tv, no less. and you shouldve seen me…screaming, clapping, jumping, screaming some more, cheering the goofy brother team onto a narrow victory over ray, the abusive angry guy, and deana, his sickly pink eyed oral herpified on again/off again girlfriend. it was enthralling. i was worried about my high blood pressured mexican compadre. he got way excited and was seriously out of breath upon the climatic finish of the foot race that sealed the win for greg and brian. and yes, i know their names. they are my team. i am pulling for them to go all the way. but anyway, about my high blood pressured mexican compadre - cuz i know all of you want to hear more about him. his name is obed and he is from monterey and he has high blood pressure. too many tortillas, ya know? he has a lovely wife and every week we cook dinner and hang out and watch the amazing race. its the highlight of my week, every week. hopefully that doesnt shock you all too much nor critically diminish my indie/hipster cred. i am so much more hip than any of you people put together that i need to be brought down a few notches anyway.

ive gone and got real gone and met a one eyed ostrich trainer that wears roy orbison tshirts and bottle feeds an orangutan named Tripod in open pastures outside of kankakee while a guy with gold teeth named Mighty Tiny plays the saw in a old circus tent. the sound tastes like electric sugar and it all makes you feel soaking wet and wild eyed. i need a mouth full of gold teeth to tune in and old ears to hear. somebody put some new hay in the stable in my head. molly huey might help if she’ll stop sucking on the koolaid and leave the bum. hoist that rag. let it rain. do the metropolitan glide.

i prithee, most vile macbeth, thane of cawdor, to place thy red lips upon my shiny white arse. for there has been a raucous rebellion within the ranks of mine wards and subjects, and tis thee who has roused it so. may the night not deliver thee rest and may nature plague thine author- th’inventor of pedagogical gall and academic disdain.

yes. i went camping this past weekend. and shooting. and riding. and fishing. great time. i knew i was in for it when i pull up to the “cabin” somewhere in goodwater, AL and think my tire has exploded only to look and see stewart, owen, and mark shooting pistols at a water bottle from the front porch. here we go. so i shot the crap. and liked it. ah, back to my redneck roots. next order of the day was jumping on the back of a big green four-wheeler (one more wheel than the contraption that almost killed me when i was 8, after 26 stitches 1 cm from my right eye) and ripping it through some seriously cool mountain trails. wind in my hair (yes, no helmet, i know, but i’m “wild at heart”) dirt in my eyes, thumb firmly gripped on the gas. these things will run over anything. well, almost anything. i chose to ride in the back and stay a little behind after we hit a dirt trail and my eyes were stabbing me in the face from the dirt debris pelting my pupils. so this is where the big patch of limbs on the side of the trail bank met my ride. then i met the ground. then i saw the four-wheeler, upside down, back wheel spinning. oh crap, this thing isn’t mine. but the nice strawberry bruise on my hip is. after trying and failing miserably to hoist the beast upright about 9 times i finally psyched myself up and went into “fight or flight” mode, you know that mindset that will allow a 90 year-old woman to lift a car off of the dog she just pummled over. yes, got it over, just in time for mark and owen to make thier way back to the rescue. scary, yet enormously fun it was. i rode twice more that day. this time with my glasses. ironic? i don’t think so. i’ve always loved the outdoors. and fishing. and making balloon animals. so i leave you with baloon jesus. woo dawgie!

joey went camping this weekend.

thats all.

thats right, mama.

dull moments behind the desk this week = fantastical creationism.

i felt like i needed to prove that im still in this. and still better than jo jo.